Why I’m a “People Who Hate People” Person.

*RANTING ALERT – It’s not entirely well structured, I’m making up words as I go along, more emotional than logical. FYI!*

This article ‘19 Struggles Only People Who Hate People Understand – Thought Catalog‘ caught my eye and I thought I’d share some insides to it, since I’m that kind of person in the article, less negative of course, maybe more sarcastic. The negative portions in the article is really an overkill.

It’s not entirely accurate, but I share quite a number of sentiments. You have no idea how tedious it is to do any form of small talk. I feel as if a manual is required, and the only reason why I even make myself go through that useless process is the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this time round I’ll get some form of data that’s worthwhile.

Hate is a strong word actually. I don’t think I hate people, I just hate… the association?

1. When you’re sitting by yourself in a public place and someone sits next to you, your first instinct is great. I hope they don’t start talking to me.

This is EXACTLY my first thought, especially when I was overseas. There’s a reason why I’m there alone in the first place, wouldn’t you think so? Think it’d be nice if someone actually asked, “Hey, I’m bored. Can I bother you?” At least this gives me the option to interact or say no. I prefer to have options.

Thankfully, Singaporeans are not all that friendly, unless you’re at some church.

Oh god, I don’t even want to go into that topic. It’s one of the many reasons why I stay somewhat Catholic aside from being brought up in Convent schools. The difference is, unless necessary, we generally mind our own business. For some reason, Christians have this overly friendliness in them – I’m stereotyping based on those I’ve come across, it’s a sweeping statement.

Sometimes, I feel they really don’t get it. They should be a little more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Not everyone in this world LOVES to be showered with your supposed love. Some people actually like their personal space, that some people includes me. It is actually OKAY to not involve everyone in everything. It makes it A LOT worst when you single us out, all eyes goes on us, DO YOU KNOW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THAT IS?! That’s actually tormenting, so this is how god’s disciples are taught? Torment thy fellow whatevertheycallit? I think not. 🙁

Then, it’s the people with the supposed high EQ. Oh god, these people bug me tons. I actually feel more comfortable with slightly more awkward ones. For some strange reason, they are a lot more attentive to people’s small gestures and back off when they sense any form of threat. The high EQ people however, DO NOT BACK OFF. They are RELENTLESS. These people know they have high EQ and they probably do, therefore they use it BLINDLY sometimes. It’s as if they stereotype every single soul out there as one. Hate to break it to you, but people are NOT the same. We ARE different. Stop assuming we don’t change. We do. Humans ARE capable of change and we do it all the time. I’m NOT who I was five years ago. Even the food I like are different, sort of. So, really, if you really really want to just assume just about everything, WHY ARE WE EVEN IN A CONVERSATION? Apparently, you already know eh? Have fun then. I’m zoning out.

It’s a love-hate relationship I have with them. I’ve given up trying to explain, I just zone out, it works better that way. It’s also my only means of keeping the supposed friendship and not delete them from that list that I created in my head.

That said, don’t get me wrong. It’s not to say that to completely leave us be. We, or rather I do like the idea of having people around, just that I can’t constantly get involved with them.

For example; right now la-boyfriend, the love of my life, is having rehearsals with his friend for a gig tomorrow. They are here, we’re in the same space, but we are not interacting directly. I like that they are here, I do like guest, and I don’t feel murderous at all. Every once in a while, he’d turn around and say a few sentences to acknowledge my existence. It’s good.

I do like to know that I’m still part of the group/gang/whateveryoucallit, a small nudge to see if I’m still on earth would be nice. If I wanted to interact, I would.

Now, I need to highlight that I have different modes. My work does require me to be someone approachable to some extent. When I host, or do the media stuff, I’m PREPARED for it. Preparation is the key here. If I know I’ve gotta do it, I’m mentally prepared. I did not walk into a cafe with my book to sit down ALONE just so someone can hop by and small talk with me. When I’m in my personal space, I prefer to be in my personal space.

I’m going to cut down on the monologues in my head so this doesn’t end up as a thesis, it already close to the thousand word mark.

2. Then they start talking and you’re like, FUCK.

Again, it’s really about the options. Did I give you permission to talk to me? No, I did not. So WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

3. They’re blah blahing about their day while you silently wonder who you pissed off recently to warrant this kind of karmic retribution.

This goes through my head a lot. Maybe it’s because I have this face that says, it’s okay to talk to me? I remember there was once, long long ago, my face actually says F*** OFF all the time. Someone said I should smile more. I should have killed that someone then.

4. And then you consider how to escape the situation and/or wonder how long it’s going to be until they stop talking.

Hahaha, I can’t tell you how many times that happened. Especially during some social event that I got dragged to because for some reason, at some point in my life, I was somewhat known to be somewhat of a social butterfly. What a joke. I should get best actress. Well, if you knew me then, and reading this now. The truth is out! I am NOT who you thought I was.

I can’t even remember why I allowed myself to be dragged to some social event. It’s fine when I get paid to do it, for event gigs and all, but on my own freewill? Damn, I applause Yvonne for her powers of persuasions. She barely said anything and *poof* there I was beside her at some social gathering. Recapping, I don’t recall actually going out if not because she was there. I’d be at home with Duchess or at the beach side alone.

5. You don’t even try to hide your side eye anymore. It’s basically an art form at this point. Like, your friends have actually complimented you on your side eye before it’s that good.

I’m so good, they don’t even know it. Haha.

6. Any small space where you get stuck with other people is basically your own personal hell. Elevators, the cream/sugar corner at a cafe, waiting in line. These are all TERRIBLE places to get stuck with strangers.

Oh god, YES. I’ve seen HELL so often, it’s not even funny anymore.

7. Basically, you hate small talk. But ESPECIALLY when it’s with someone you don’t even know. You hate having to waste your energy on strangers.

Now, this sound extremely introverted, and I’m apparently not, though from reading this, it really doesn’t help my stand here. I DO HATE SMALL TALK. There’s so many times I actually said, “Can you cut to the chase?” “Your point is?” “Why are you telling me this?” I would actually make someone uncomfortable just so I need not talk to the person.

8. And if someone tries to talk to you while you’re wearing headphones you’re like, seriously? Do you not see these fucking headphones on my head? You honestly wonder what about you seems approachable.

Look at my face, do I look like I care? Seriously, look deep into my eyes and tell me, DO I CARE? Now, turn around, run. Goodbye.

9. No one has mastered the game of subtweeting quite like you have.

It’s an urban legend. I was once the princess of the art. Now, I find that tedious.

10. You were seriously pissed when Grumpy Cat became a thing. That’s basically who you are as a person. Now it’s in to hate things? GTFO.

Thing is, I’m not really grumpy that much. I don’t really like humans all that much, but hate is a little strong. So, I can’t really agree with this. Though it pissed me off a little when people actually thought my sarcasm was entertaining. Wow, so now I’m like… what? Naruto? Sorry, I’m definitely more Sasuke, just finding village eliminating a little too taxing for my schedule.

11. Your favourite moment in life is when people cancel plans. There’s nothing quite like that sweet sigh of relief when you don’t have to hang out with your friends.

This is TOTALLY DISAGREE! Well, for some friends that is. Some, I get that sweet sign of relief when I actually have something else that I need to be doing, that’s actually productive, and therefore having no choice but to cancel. Come to think of it, OH I TAKE THAT BACK! I did have a sign of sweet relief when one of my supposed friends actually cancelled on coming down my office for coffee.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends. But sometimes, I’m just not in the right zone?

12. “Hell is other people” is basically your life mantra.

Nope. This is definitely not accurate. It can’t be my life mantra. It just is.

13. When you see someone trying to call you your immediate reaction is to sigh in utter disgust and contempt. Calling!?!!? What is this – the 1950s??? Text me, you idiot!

Oh how true, if I don’t already know you all that well, you should not be calling me. I might actually throw my phone out the window even though I still pick up.

14. You think snowstorms are great because it gives you like an extra 2-3 day window where you can avoid everyone and it’s perfectly acceptable.

Not applicable.

15. When you board a plane and find out a baby is sitting near you you think OF COURSE THIS HAD TO HAPPEN TO ME.

What? No. As long as they don’t start crying, I won’t turn into Lucifer.

16. And speaking of babies and small humans in general, you completely advocate the idea of child-free restaurants. Children are the worst.

Depends on the time of the day. It’s a love-hate relationship.

17. When it comes down to spending time with other people or spending time alone, you always choose to be alone. Netflix > people. Books > people. No people > people.

Anime > people. Haha. Think it’s really depends which side of the bed I woke up on.

18. You avoid sitting next to someone in public unless it’s absolutely necessary, and even then, you feel like you’re dying a little inside every moment you have to sit next to them.

Wahahaha I can’t really tell if this is just because I’m oh-so-shy or what. But I can totally related to the death wish.

19. All of your friends are people who also hate people, so it’s absolutely perfect because when you get together you spend the entire time talking about how much everyone else sucks. You guys have a mutual understand you both hate everything and it’s cool. It’s basically why you two are so close.

Nope. I do have friends that actually love people. We just don’t talk all that much. Hahahahhahahahahaa.

Take it with a pinch of salt, there’s a lot of over exaggeration of the truth here to make it sound more dramatic in my head.

Before I started blogging, I already kept journals. I like having monologues in my head and writing them down. Blogging made it convenient cause I typed a lot faster. The contradiction here is that, I don’t like the limelight yet at the same time, I’m in hope that people read my words and go, “Well said Sab!” It’s the constant struggle I face internally.

It doesn’t make sense.