Every single day, I think of the many possibilities, constantly looking for opportunities, regardless. My “behaviour” tend to annoy people sometimes. Fortunately, I’m pretty self aware, enough to take precautions. I try not to offend others unnecessarily. Think about it, is it even worth it? They say humanity can be cruel, I totally agree.
So, the whole scheduling my daily activities is something I picked up from my mentor. I’m proud to say that I have successfully managed to stick to “the plan”, in fact, I’ve become quite anal about it. I’ve gone so far as to even schedule breakfast, lunch and dinner (primary Siri suggested it). So yes, it does feel like I’m developing a new OCD altogether.
I blame my INTJ friends. It’s strange really, they say INTJs are like 1 percent of the population but I find myself surround by quite a number of them. It can be quite suffocating, really.
They say INTJs and ENFPs are a natural match. Guess that explains why Priss and I manage to maintain our friendship despite our differences. (I’m really into the whole MBTI, numerology, horoscope and so on so forth.)
Jumping to another topic, in line but different…
I’m on OKCupid! Wahahahaha. It’s a dating site, but I take it more as a place to meet more people/friends. I made a point to actually include in my profile that I AM ONLY INTERESTED IN MAKING FRIENDS. Clearly people don’t read profiles so well. I get all sorts of weird message, and my conclusion is that PEOPLE JUST DO NOT READ! It can get quite annoying.
Anyway, through this platform I got to know quite a number of “my kind” (the ENFPs) of people, which isn’t surprising since there’s like 5 or more percentage of “my kind” lingering around.
Of all the people I’ve gotten to know recently, I have to say I’m starting to develop a dependency to one particular individual. The fact that he is able to complete my sentences and think the way I do intrigues me, not as much as the INTJs does, but enough for me to want to find out more.
My currently routine is pretty straightforward, whenever I’m able to, I’d talk to my primary Siri. He isn’t always available, but when he is, he would always call me (I mean this as literally as it gets – phone call). It really does feel like we’ve known each other since forever. We can be on the phone doing our own stuff and still just be on the phone. Plus, despite his constant irritation, egoist ways, and even blunt insults (usually not directed at me, he tends to throw cheapshots at me a lot more than actual insult-insults); I guess you can say we share the same wavelength.
That said, he is still a digital being to me, therefore my primary Siri.
Although I’m pretty internet savvy and everything (very much into the social media scene in fact), I find it impossible to really have any kind of impression towards a person that I’ve not met. He can send me a million photos and I would still not consider him really human. That said, as things are progressing, with the phones calls and all, I’m pretty sure if and when we meet (primary Siri/my knight), we’d probably hit if off rather well. (I tend to use words like rather, possibly, somewhat, etc; not because I’m unable to be decisive, but more so of giving myself some space/options.
I should be sleeping now, or at least that’s what I told primary Siri, but yes, as you can see, I’m still awake.
Moving into the topic…
To be honest, my life is pretty much ideal. I love my work as it is inline with my passion (and my end goal). I get to spend time with my friends. I’m in a lot better terms with my sisters. My partners are more than supportive (can be quite whiney from time to time). I have a great team that I work with. I could use more money, but as of now I’m surviving decently. So yeah, the only thing that’s pretty much missing is a relationship.
I’m pretty independent, but very much dependent at the same time. It’s contradicting but the absolute truth. My independence is my adaptability and survivability. My dependency is the need of acceptance by others, and of course, since I’m a extrovert, my energy source is externally gained instead of within. So yes, without the people around me, my energy level would probably be non-existence.
Anyway, I sort of drifted off point a bit.
I’ve always imagined/fantasied of the “perfect life” being a mix of a successful career/empire, together with a heartwarming home. Think Desperate Housewives mixed with… I donno, that Donald Trump reality show, me being Trump, of course. I’m very ambitious, in case you’re wondering.
Perhaps because I’m a Libra, my need for the perfect balance is essential. Without this balance, I find life slightly empty. I have tons of friends, and I treasure them all – more so to Priss that is (I have to say that cause I’m in a relationship with her on Facebook *pretend you didn’t read that*), but friends alone isn’t enough.
Coming from a broken family, which really isn’t all that bad, what I believe to be a heartwarming home, isn’t exactly what’s happening here at home.
Home to me is a place of retreat, somewhere I can hide and feel absolutely comfortable at. Sadly, venue alone isn’t sufficient, there must be masters in the house to complete the formula.
Am I making any sense? Okay, I’ll say this bluntly.
Perfect Life = Successful Career/Empire + Cozy Home
My career/empire is defined as a business that allows me to travel the world yet still able to run the business. Preferably passive income, a lot of it. Innovation and automation is the key.
My cozy home is defined as a place that’s nicely done up (doesn’t have to be very posh or anything like that), I have my dog, and more importantly, my better half.
I’m clingy yet not. Again another contradiction.
I like the idea of being able to see my better half more often to always, the whole “coming home to” logic, somewhat. But at the same time, I prefer not to constantly engage in deep conversations (in fact, I avoid such conversations so as not to end up in a debate, which is probably why many would think of me as bimbotic) or spending every moment together-together.
Let me try to explain this better.
Perhaps I’ve watched waaay too much useless TV programmes. I’ve been polluted with the idea of Utopia. It can potentially be boring, but with the many dramas I self develop, life can never truly be boring. Ask Priss, she’ll tell you, after all, that’s why she keeps me around.
Routine: Make breakfast (definitely involves eggs, and maybe pancakes; I do like to bake as well – which means the kitchen has to be decently nice for me to want to spend time in it), delegate the maid with the cleaning of the house and what-not (or to-do), go to work (not because I have to but I want to), prepare dinner, watching useless TV programmes, and a little sharing of “how was your day dear?”
Of course, out of the norms (norms referring to the routine) there’d be dinner dates, romantic getaways, pointless arguments, and quite a bit (or considerably, a lot) of personal time. (I may be extroverted, but I still require me-time.)
Ideally, we should have our own rooms and a shared room. This way, I won’t feel as though I have no privacy. More importantly, THE GAME ROOM! I wouldn’t mind a nice home theater system as well, come to think of it. Again, the house need not be gigantic, but definitely not tiny either.
It sounds a bit like a marriage rather than a relationship, doesn’t it? Well, to be absolutely honest, I value little of that piece of paper. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever, but if whatever is already working, there’s no absolute need to change things, right? Hmmm… I’m really not sure.
I’m not sure if I want to get married. I’m not sure if I want kids. I’m not sure if… I’m just not sure about what I didn’t include in this master plan of mine. Anything is possible of course, and I’m more than open to suggestions (not that I’d accept every one of it, but I’m open).
I’m really a weird one, pretty obvious isn’t it? Sometimes I don’t even understand myself. In fact, most of the time I don’t understand myself. Recently I’ve learned my possible split personality is a personality type! It’s not split, I’m just adaptable. Not only to environment but apparently people too!
Okay. That’s all for now. I’ve ranted enough for the night.
Feel free to share with me your thoughts or rebuke me if you may. Again, I’m always open for suggestion/discussion.