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(Don’t judge me too harshly.)

Birthdays are one of the most sacred days of my life. I tend to pretend I don’t care, but anyone with common sense would know, I do. Why? I use to throw parties on my birthdays, and we’re talking about all the way back even in kindergarten. My 30th, I basically celebrated an entire month. Mellowing down doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just that I’m more bothered about who are the people that cares along with me, less the attention.

This year was the worst birthday of my entire 33 years living on earth (I’d had wished I lived on Cybertron – for all the Transformers fans out there).

I only wanted to spend it with one person, but of course, in the manner of my preference, since I’m a control freak (I use to hate admitting it, but I’m a lot more comfortable admitting it now). But despite it being the most important day of the entire year, I didn’t get a checklist of things we’d be doing, I didn’t have a camera that I could shoot high-resolution photos with (I took the camera equipment for a business forum at Cambodia, I would think Hello Kitty would have had deserved more), there was no specific time-slots other than a random booking at 2+pm at the cafe (which I already said without my camera I wouldn’t go – some context to this, I was INVITED to Hello Kitty Cafe when it first opened, I didn’t go because I really wanted my first visit to potentially the most awesome cafe in the world to be perfect; yes I am a perfectionist and I’ve loved Hello Kitty since the beginning of dawn) and he actually booked himself for a gig at godknowswhere without even having the decency to invite me for it.

So I end up crying half the day away, finally understanding that the most important person just didn’t give a god damn shit about me, and somewhat motivated to start blogging again. They say writers/artists are emotionally depressed people, it’s very true. It took minutes to compose this entire miserable post. Words were flowing out like the downstream of a waterfall.

What’s annoying me, 1. structure. I put in a lot of effort to be structural, and I have but Marc Chang to thank for this unfortunate judgement skill set. Was I born with it? Not at all. In fact, people from years ago would be surprise that I’m currently so coherent. It’s all about practice and determination, and I’m possibly the most determined person I know (I emphasized on “I know” hence, there are definitely more determined people than me out there, so bite on my words and suffer my wrath).

My love for Asana is like my love for Photoshop. It’s awesome beyond your imagination. I would say almost the same for Canva. So thank god for brilliant founders and awesome platforms. Getting back to my point, how to use an Asana task manager. You do not number the task, it’s just dumb. The whole point of the board system is so you pull the important task upwards and slot in as and when need, not to mention there’s something called deadlines and you can actually set due dates. If you number it, wouldn’t that completely defeat the value and purpose of the god damn board? That aside, if someone edited it and removed the numbering, would it make sense to ask “Why did you do that?” But instead, the numbers were added back, which makes absolutely no sense to me. So why did he/she do something like that? Duh, a clear sign of rebellion.

I accept people aren’t all equal, given that some just don’t have the capability. But to knowingly lack the capacity, refuse to change… and rebelliously defy the aid of others is just… UNACCEPTABLE. So stop giving yourself excuses that expectations are too high or that you’re just like that. People can change, it’s the best thing about humans, they have the ability to change. Some take more time, some take less. People can change, cause WE ARE GIVEN A BRAIN. Use it.

Everything is habitual. Why do you think I came up with a habitual studies to convert users and that it’d take up to three weeks to make the switch. BECAUSE, people can change but it takes time. If you refuse to take the first steps and keep to it, you will never change. Hence, you will never change. It was never about the lack of ability you fool. You just never wanted to cause, accept this fact, you are mentally lazy (physically not so much), irresponsible, not willing to really grow up and refusing to accept it.

I know you blame me. Go ahead. I figured I shouldn’t be feeling bad having expectations like all adults. I swallowed my pride and apologise for mistakes I made, cause I know it’s my fault. I take actions to rectify. Just saying “sorry” and avoiding confrontation about the matter isn’t a sign of being a “man” it’s a sign of being a boy. You are but a boy. Nothing to do with simple or not, you just do not want to grow up.

Congrats Peter Pan, stay in your lalaland (I know it’s called Neverland), “be who you are” and a couple of years later, tell me you can’t/don’t need to change. You will. Cause when shelters are lifted and reality kicks in, before you know it, you’d have already changed. Maybe by then I would have drastically changed as well. I don’t know. But knowing Sab for Sab (I’m referring myself as a third party a lot more since my intern Benita came into my life, she was a great assistant), Sab always changes with or without anyone else.

Back to my fairy tale dream, my one true love Usui. Not that anyone cares but my favourite anime is Kaichou Wa Maid-sama. I watch just about anything, but favourites are a different class of its own.

Entrepreneurs are humans with emotions too.

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